My Prayer
Towards the end of my first semester during my Sophomore year of college I began praying a very specific prayer. I began to ask the Lord: "Break my heart for what breaks Your heart." I’m not even sure why I was praying the prayer at the time but with diligence, I continued to ask the Lord for a broken heart.
Hillsong's song “Hosanna” kept playing in my my head when I would meditate on my prayer…
“Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your kingdom’s cause
As I walk from earth into eternity…”
Never in a million years did I know how radically God was going to answer that prayer.
This very simple seven-word prayer completely turned my life upside down. I will never be the same – my life has been changed forever. Sure enough, my heart began to break. I started to become informed of the pain, the injustice, the suffering and the inhumanity that is going on around the world today. Simple things happened: I started reading books like Radical by David Platt and The Poor Will be Glad by Peter Greer and Phil Smith. I watched movies like Blood Diamond and Invisible Children. I met people who had a deep and genuine passion for people around the world. I began to find blogs of young people who are living their lives for Him in other countries. Lastly, I was given an opportunity to go to the Dominican Republic with a group of Clemson Students which completely opened my eyes to this world.
"Break my heart for what breaks yours" is not a prayer that was intended to break my heart for foreign missions… it’s a prayer that was intended to lead me into the place of God’s heart for me.
My Calling
About the same time that I began to pray this prayer, I began to think about “my calling.”
I know that God has blessed me with gifts in specific areas – I began to wonder what He intedned me to use those gifts for.
I got very caught up in the idea of finding “my calling.” I wanted a clear answer. I wanted a title – “First grad teacher at Walhalla Elementary…or Third grade teacher at Pickens Elementary...” Although it seems silly to think about now – I honestly was searching for something that specific and was looking to God for answers.
This is a journal entry of mine from about that time…
“God please show yourself. You tell us that if we knock you will open the door, if we ask, we shall receive. This is what I am knocking for, this is what I am asking for. To know your will. I want to know what you have for me to do. I want to know my calling. Please God reveal yourself. God, in James you say that, “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously-, and it will be given to him.” I lack the wisdom of my future. The uncertainty is scary and I want to be at peace. God I am begging for you to reveal yourself.”
As I continued to seek the answer to the question of how I should spend my future I continued to grow and learn. This is a journal from a few weeks later…
“Anything that impacts my calling does not come easily or naturally. It’s going to be a seriously difficult path. But this is what I know- I was literally pre-wired for the will of God in my life. This is what I know: His plans for me are greater than the plans I have for myself: in fact - What He has called me to do is more than I can do. Therefore I need him.”
After seeking wise counsel and months of prayer God clearly showed me my calling and his will for my life: TO ADVANCE THE KINGDOM OF GOD!
This is what I should be concerned with – advancing His kingdom! No matter where I am, what I am doing – that is how He has called me to live.
1 Corinthians 2:9 says, “What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived the things God has prepared for those who love him.”
