The Beginning of Wisdom

Proverbs 1:7  “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge…”

I fear the Lord.  Not as much as I should – but I fear him.

If I didn’t fear him, I wouldn’t be here. 

If I didn’t fear the Lord I would be in Clemson. I would be, today in fact, flying to the sandy white beaches of Miami with my 6 family members to see all of my Dad’s family in my hometown of South Florida. I would not be here, dodging reptiles in the shower.

Yeah, if I didn’t fear the Lord I would be home.

But -if I didn’t fear the Lord I would be missing out on some serious wisdom that He wants to give me.

If I was home, I know I wouldn’t receive the wisdom I’m getting from being here every day.

You know how the New Testament is a lot easier to read than the Old.  Well, at least for me, I’d much prefer to flip over to one of the Gospels or Paul’s letters for my daily QT.  Apart from Psalms, Proverbs, and maybe parts of Isaiah, the majority of the OT I usually find boring, inapplicable, or sometimes downright confusing.

Lately part of this “wisdom” I’ve been receiving has been a deep desire and thirst for Old Testament scriptures. 

I have been flying through some Genesis, Exodus, and Leviticus.

Now, don’t start quizzing me on the descendants of Issachar, how to set up the tabernacle, or all the priests’ rules, but I’m really enjoying the time I spend in the left half of the Bible.

I read through Nehemiah yesterday and truth be told, reading through it was kind of like reading my very own biography.

Now, I actually do know a little bit about hermeneutics.  Clearly I didn’t graduate from Moody Bible College but I know the basic dos and don’ts about basic biblical exegesis.  I’m positive this breaks every rule about interpreting scripture but I’m going with it…

If you’ve been around the church for 1,000 years or a few days, you’ve probably heard that the Israelites weren’t the most faithful children of God. God loved them, protected them, redeemed them, set them apart, and above all chose them to be His people but they didn’t always act like it

         I am an Israelite.

Like the Israelites, I have been chosen by God.  Like the Israelites, I have rejected God over and over.  Each time he shows compassion and brings me back to Him.

So this is how my life has unfolded, I mean how the story of the Nehemiah and the Jews unfolded. 

To give you some background information, the Babylonians completely destroyed the holy city of God, a.k.a. Jerusalem.  They ransacked the temple, demolished the wall around the city, even murdered many of the people and took the rest as slaves.  Thanks to this kind Persian king, many years later the Jews were allowed to return to try and get things back in order. But it didn’t look too promising…

“Can they bring the stones back to life from those heaps of rubble – burned as they are? …What they are building – if even a fox climbed up on it he would break down their walls of stone!” (4: 2-3)

“But when they were oppressed they cried out to you.  From heaven you heard them, and in your great compassion you gave them deliverers who rescued them from the hand of their enemies.” (9:27)

I’ve been unfaithful and I turned my back on him, and I chose flesh instead of spirit…

“And when the cried out to you again, you heard from heaven, and in your compassion you delivered them time after time.” (9:28b)

I don’t want to keep ending up like that! Crying out to the Lord, not because of trials for my growth that He is giving me to make me stronger, but crying because of my own sinful stupidity. Many times throughout the past 10 years I have tried to rebuild the walls of the structure of my faith.  It’s never been completely demolished but quite often, knocked down. (Neh. 2:17) Sometimes it’s hard and it sometimes seems like I’m so far gone, so deep in sin, so far from the Lord - there’s no helping me…Now that I look back on the past year I wonder how I could have taken so many steps back.  From last summer’s spiritual growth to the long period of dryness I’ve experienced this year.  How in the world did that happen?!?! I really don’t want it to happen again. So basically this is where I said, “Okay, I’ve seen myself time and time again build my wall, have it broken down, I build it back up, have it crumble, start construction over, and the bricks keep falling. HOW do I get it to stay?!

To make a long story (which you should read) short, there were quite a few people that weren’t too happy about them building back their city so these men decided they were going to stop the Jews from rebuilding their great empire that the Lord had blessed. 

“They all plotted together to come and fight against Jerusalem and stir up trouble against it. But we prayed to our God and posted a guard day and night to meet this threat.” (4:8-9)

Okay, so they had a guard. Someone else to watch over things…What do I need? Accountability? Check. I think of Alison’s words (expressing Grace and Becca’s thoughts) to me a few days into summer, “Angelica, You’re out of control.” The Lord has given me great friends to keep me responsible, great awakenings, great reminders, and pulls me out so I keep on building… That’s set up and working well - So what else do I need to do?!

 “So we rebuilt the wall till all of it reached half its height, for the people worked with all their heart.” (4:6)

They worked with “all their heart”.  Okay – more diligence. I have to be persistant. I can do that. Keep reading, Angelica.

 “From that day on, half of my men did the work, while the other half were equipped with spears, shields, bows and armor. Those who carried materials did their work with one hand and held a weapon in the other, and each of the builders wore his sword at his side as he worked. ” (4:16-18).

That’s it! This is where I went wrong, have gone wrong.  This is what I need to change.  So many times when I know I’m in the center of God’s will for my life – when things are flourishing and when I have a strong ministry I tend to let down my guard.  I almost feel invincible knowing that I’m working for the Lord.  In many ways, that’s true.  But as I just read in Nehemiah, although they knew that “Our God will fight for us!” (4:20) they were still equip, still prepared, still had their own weapons drawn. Yes, Jeremiah 29:11 is true, God does have a great plan to “prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Satan also has a really thought-out plan for us. If I put down my sword there’s a good chance I could fall into it.

I know that this newfound knowledge won’t keep me from failing, or struggling, and I’m sure a strong wind will take down a few bricks from time to time. I am, however, preparing to handle my faith differently; to guard and protect it, with weapons drawn and armor on. 

God is “..a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love.” (9:17b)

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Contrary to my lack of blogger comments, it seems as if there are actually quite a few of you reading my blog.  So just because it looks like you, my aunt, and my Gramma, are the only ones reading it there are others so I will continue on.  There are a small handful of people sending me e-mails which turn into some of the most encouraging parts of my week.  Not because they are necessarily pouring out tons of wisdom, just because they are showing me that they are there, caring, and listening to me.  If you want to join in the fun my e-mail is akfowle@clemson.edu.  I promise, no matter how close we are, I want to hear about how you are doing.